whats gone, can never come back again.

my beloved grandfather passed away peacefully on 20 february 2012. 

it was so painful seeing him lying on the bed, not moving, not breathing, not saying anything. we stayed up the whole night without sleeping to read buddha(sp?) scriptures to him, to ensure he can go on a safe & smooth journey. it really work wonders. after about an hour or two, sitting in his room with him, i saw a smile on his face. it was so heartwarming. :) at least i know he went in peace. <3

we had his funeral held for 5 days under our block & many people came to give their last respects. it was crowded every night & im sure he is very satisfied. 

he led a wonderful life. when he was young, he went to many countries & even invested money & went over to help construct a temple in china. everytime my grandmother tells us stories about his past, she is always smiling. he may have a mistress outside but my grandmother, although pissed off, still continued to take care of him & put up with his nasty temper for the last years of his life. that is everlasting love. no matter how irritating he was when he kept whining about things, he is still her husband, my grandfather. now, recalling my childhood, i can always see a part of him there. always giving us money to buy sweets & how he used to disturb us when he come back every night. but as he get on in years, his health deteoriate   further & he is not that happy anymore. he is a very stubborn man & no one could tolerate him, except my grandmother. they quarrelled alot recently & there was never peace in the house. but now that he is gone, how i wish i could hear him whine & call us again.

after 12 midnight today, is the 7th day he is gone & he will be back for the last time to have his last meal cooked by my grandmother &see all of us for the last time & will not be coming back anymore. i really miss him alot. i cried alot of the past few days & i still cant let go of the truth that he is gone forever. i guess, i can only let time heal all my wounds. 

its true when people say we only learn to cherish when we no longer have that thing/person with us anymore.

ah gong, have a safe journey back today & have a good meal. i will miss you dearly. please take good care of yourself. im devastated that youre gone but at least its a relief for you & ahma. rest in peace. <3