young love.

happy 20th monthsary to you baby! ♥

thank you for being that shoulder to cry on and the wiper of my tears (even if most of the time youre the reason behind it) we've been through it all together. the worst of fights but always the best makeups. i understand your past and all the hardships you have to endure as a child growing up. i accept you and im here for you through it all. youre my best friend and lover all wrapped in one. i want to travel the world with you someday; and experience everything there is to experience in life. i want to experience it with you right by my side. i want it all and i want it with you.

if i could give you one thing in life, i would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special youre in my eyes. 

如果我带来的只是灾难，你是否有勇气陪我走完？ 

i love you and im so so so sorry for making your life harder because of that. ♥

i could really use a hug right now.

life.

its kinda fucked up isnt it? 

how all of a sudden, someone just wakes up and decides to never talk to you again. no reason, no explanation, no words said. they just leave you hanging like you never meant shit to them and what hurts the most is how they made it look so easy. 

sometimes, i really wish i could look into your mind and take back all the secrets that i told you. because deep down, do you really care? i'd rather stay quiet than explain my problems to people who dont give a fuck. 

you said you would always be here? thats all bullshit now. 

this week has been so draining :( especially yesterday. spent 12 hours in school with only 3 hours of break. zomg. never want that kind of day anymore. 2 more ICA, 4 exams to go. jiayou. this shit is going to be over soon. 

okay byebye.

you matter to me.

只要我对的起自己, 就够了. 

i dont owe anyone any explanations for my actions. dont like me? remember its mind over matter. i dont mind and you dont matter. 都说了, 对号入座的人是白痴. enough said. :) 

looking back to my growing history, im a big girl now. those heartbreaks, smiles and everything that i have experienced through the years has made me who i am today. i may not be a girl that everyone likes but i dont care. im too busy loving the people who love me, to have time to hate those who hate me. because i dont give a fuck. i believe that if people are trying to bring you down, it only means that youre above them. so try harder. :) because it doesnt hurt me at all.

finally feeling so much better today. glad that the nauseous-ness is gone, just left with giddy-ness. many many thanks to those who cared. :) appreciate it very very very much. love you all. 

look at my to-do list for the next 2-3 weeks. :( so so busy. 

tests, presentations, seminars. really cant afford to be missing school. well well, tahan for one more month! exams will be here soon. /:

im glad things are turning for the better alr. :) and im glad that we are talking more now. i take it that we are fine alr? i need you more than you think i do. all in all, im glad to have you back by my side. i love you. 

time to get back to my business report. .______. okay byebye. 

没有你的第四天

im sorry that im not a good enough girlfriend for you. i wasnt there when you need me. i tried really hard to keep us together, i swear. but one day i woke and i couldnt take it anymore. idk how to face you with lesser and lesser conversations. idk how to face the stress from your family. idk how to get by with seeing you less than 4 days a week. i know. youre trying really hard too. im sorry for giving up so fast but im really tired. 

thank you for the memories. they are really beautiful memories. 

idk why terrible things happen to us but i have to believe that something good is going to come out of this. 

i need you more than you think i do. yesterday, i was feeling really awful after puking in school and i really felt like crying and wishing you were there for me. i appreciate the effort that you rushed down from NP just to make sure im fine. i felt better feeling that you are here with me. 

after all, who really cares?

had food poisoning and ended up vomiting in school. thank god my friends stayed and accompany me till i felt better. they bought me tea and sour plums and kept talking to me to make sure im fine. its not just one of them but 8 of them stayed with me. what more can i ask for? and not to mention, the one that made sure im fine through sms-ing. thanks guys. all of you are awesome. :) a couple of them sms-ed me to make sure im fine. really really touched. 

boyf sent me home and i was feeling so damn awful and also because of those uncaring words from my family, i broke down. you dk how bad it is to feel that your friends and boyf care more than your family does. felt like a fucking burden. it doesnt matter anw. you are always biased towards the 2 of them ad being the second child, im always neglected. i have alr gotten used to it. 

this whole week has been a really horrible week. :( hoping that next week would be better. 

i could really use a hug right now. 


you know my name, not my story. you heard what i have done, not what i have been true. i dont fucking live to please you. youre not obliged to like me. i dont give a fuck too. 
(对号入座的人是白痴)

craving for all of these to make me feel better :( but i cant eat because i have to avoid spicy and dairy products for a few days. 

BUT I WANT TO EAT! :(

OKAY BYEBYE.

没有你的第二天.

i used to think that we can be together forever no matter what. 

i understand that youre human and you make mistakes. i will forgive you despite how much my heart aches. but if one day i give up, its not because i stopped loving you but because my heart can only handle so much; understand that im human too. 

truth is, im still getting used to not receiving your good morning texts and good night calls. idk how much time i will need to get used to this. 

perhaps you have already realized that from yesterday onwards, there is a slight change in your life. there will be one less person to eat with you, to wish you good morning and to bicker with you. but all these are temporary. soon you will understand everything and a smile will appear on your face, without me putting it there. 

i hope youre doing fine now. or maybe not. i know its not easy on you but its not easy on me as well. 

in the past, idk how would life be like without you. perhaps im being too dependent on you. now, i would just want to learn to be dependent without relying on you. though life is really different without you, i know i have to get used to it and learn something from it. i still need you but i just want to try to independent. 

i miss secondary school days. :( its where everything seem so simple and happy. but after we graduate, everything changed. friends are no longer friends and the time that we have to keep in touch gets lesser. even after we graduate, politics still exist. sigh. when will all these be over? 

today is my grandmother's birthday. going for dinner soon. byebye. 

once upon a love.

officially single for now. temporarily. i hope.

idk if i made the right choice by doing this but im sorry for hurting you. as much as i dont want to let go, i understand that somethings still have to end someday, whether you want it to or not. idk if the story of us ends here, but im sorry. i need time to clear my thoughts. 

i appreciate all that you have done for me. really. be it trying to make me smile, trying your best to talk to me or whatsoever. but just so you know, nothing can make me happy if youre not by my side. this is true. if we were in the past. right now, no doubt, seeing you happy makes me happy but sometimes, im not really happy too. 

1year7months. it has been a long journey. you may feel that my poly friends are more important than you, but its not true. they do make me happy, make me smile everyday in school but they can never make me feel the happiness that you once gave me. 

what i miss is those days when you were courting me, is those days when we can see each other everyday, is those days when being happy with each other is all that we know. gradually, everything changed. we are not as happy as we were. 

perhaps im expecting too much, perhaps im too demanding. 

sorry. is all that i can say to you now. 

maybe, seeing too much breakups have made me fear whether we can continue our relationship. but afterall, it all comes down to us. not others. im sorry. 

fuck off.

i may not be the prettiest girl, i may not be the nicest/kindest girl. but i will always try to be there for you. but should you give up trying, why should i continue to try too? :( 

stuck in a point of life where idk what to do anymore. stay at the same place or move on? its not easy to maintain a relationship for 19 months. whats more, my first relationship. it hasnt been the best, with his family objecting and everything. recently, i have come to realize that perhaps his family isnt the big barrier between us after all. perhaps its the fact that we are in different polys. i used to think that things would be easy depite us being in different polys. but. im wrong. with the different timetables and everything, its hard to meetup, not say going out. im sick of it, to say the truth. if you ask me whens the last time we went out together, i really cant remember. :( 

tell me what to do instead of saying sorry every single time when you know it doesnt help at all. 

或许, 放手后, 我们会比较幸福.

how does talking to another guy when youre in a relationship makes you a slut? if that is true, does it mean that i cant have any friends that are of the opposite sex since im in a relationship? wtf? bitch please. just so you know, my clique consists of 6 boys and 2 girls. does that make the both of us, girls, sluts? or is it just because that someone is someone that used to be very dear to you?

theres nothing going on between us. i dont have to explain so much but i really hate getting scolded by people when i did nothing wrong. dafug. seriously. surely, i dont have to report everything to everyone yeah? i have my freedom to what i want to post. 

my life. my choices. my lessons. my mistakes. not your business.

i really should start doing my work instead of blogging, facebook-ing and tweeting. :(

OKAY BYE.